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The last supper {before adoptive parenthood}

March 16, 2017 by Beth Shepherd

Indian restaurantFlavors filled my mouth as I tucked the amuse-bouche between my lips, and thoughts of parenthood filled my head. March 15, 2012. Our last supper. The final time we’d share dinner—just the two of us—without a child somewhere in the picture. Here we were, in London, dining at an impossibly elegant Indian restaurant with white linens covering our table, fine wine chilling in a silver ice bucket. Everyone around us was behaving in a very civilized manner, this being an upscale London restaurant after all,  and no children as far as my eyes I could see. I couldn’t help but wonder. Would we ever enjoy an meal like this again?

London Indian dinner

Without a doubt, becoming a parent is one of life’s biggest game-changers. There are countless ways in which one’s life will be irrevocably altered. For us, in a mere 12 hours we’d board a plane bound for Armenia. And parenthood. I can’t tell you how much my mind mulled this fact over as I rolled each delicious morsel of food around in my mouth, listening to the clink of crystal wine glasses in the background accompanied by polite, subdued conversation.

Fancy restaurant

What would it be like, sharing meals with an infant? A toddler? Would she be a picky eater? Enjoy the vegetables I lovingly grew in our tiny backyard garden? Food, whether cooked and served by my own hand or ordered at a  restaurant was, for me, one of life’s greatest pleasures. At home, I spent a lot of time choosing which dishes we would eat and then cooking them. I found it exciting to explore new global cuisines. Reading about food, growing food, going out to eat, cooking at home…I loved it all!

Might my epicurean inclinations go the way of the dodo, along with private toilet time, gown-up music and Disney-free movies? What will become of my foodie self? Whenever I queried friends about what I should do B.P. (before parenthood), their advice was nearly universal. Watch movies—in—a movie theater!  Go—out—for dinner at fancy restaurants! As we dined I was consumed by ruminations such as these, weighty as each of the five impeccably arranged courses laid out before us.

It’s all about the journey,

Beth

Filed Under: Adoption, Food Tagged With: London, Yerevan

Three years ago: London, England

March 12, 2015 by Beth Shepherd

Three years ago, on March 13, Big Papa and I boarded a British Air flight and headed to London.

London taxi

London phone booths

This was the first leg of a journey which would ultimately culminate in an Armenian court, in front of a judge, who would determine if she would allow us to adopt one special baby girl. And, this was also the last leg of a journey that had taken us three years, four trips to Armenia (five for me), and one failed adoption, before we were able to reach this milestone: Parenthood!

We were very excited.Happy on plane

And extremely terrified.Scared on plane

We arrived in England the next day, March 13, after10 hours of flight time and with a nine hour time difference.

Hello London! Hello jet lag!British flag

British teacups

The last time I was in London was 1980, at the end of my semester abroad in Amsterdam. I was excited to spend a few days–our last hurrah–before two became three. We had a grand time:

Exploring Kensington Garden and Hyde ParkKensington Garden at night

Hyde Park trees

Visiting Big Ben and Buckingham PalaceBuckingham Palace

Buckingham Palace bobbies

Walking over bridges–old and new London bridges

Millenium bridge

Enjoying a few meals out–bangers and mash…and beer, of course! Bangers and mash

Fullers Bengal beer

Three days later, it was time to say farewell. See you on the flip-side Heathrow. All aboard to Armenia!

Take the road less traveled, Beth

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Filed Under: Travel Tagged With: London

Hyde Park: Taking a gander by the Serpentine

March 6, 2015 by Beth Shepherd

Lake at Hyde Park

Three years ago, visiting London, we spent a sunny afternoon strolling through Hyde Park. When we spied a Greylag goose frolicking in the Serpentine, we just had to stop and watch his antics. What a grand time he was having splashing, flapping, rolling over, and diving into the water. His goose friend (gal pal?), standing a mere few feet away, appeared to be unaware or else she just didn’t care. Maybe she wanted a few moments of peaceful meditation in the sunshine. As for the gander…

You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching

~William W. Purkey

Graylag Goose

Goose

Goose

Goose

Goose

Goose

Goose

Goose

Take the road less traveled, Beth

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Filed Under: Travel Tagged With: Hyde Park, London

Kensington Gardens

November 7, 2014 by Beth Shepherd

Kensington Garden statue

Where Kensington high o’er the neighbouring lands
‘Midst greens and sweets a regal fabric stands,
And sees each spring, luxuriant in her bowers,
A snow of blossoms and a wild of flowers,
The dames of Britain oft in crowds repair
To groves and lawns and unpolluted air.
Here, while the town in damps and darkness lies,
They breathe in sunshine, and see azure skies.

~Thomas Tickell, Kensington Gardens

Kensington Garden pond

Kensington Garden road

Kensington Garden trees

Kensington Garden urn

Kensington Garden iron fence

Kensington Garden bird in a bus

Kensington Garden arbor

Kensington Gardens, a lovely place to meander if you happen to find yourself in London. Magnificent trees, sculpture and a royal palace are spread across  242 acres. Kensington was originally part of Hyde Park and it was in these gardens Queen Victoria lived, until she became queen of England in 1837. When I visited, in 2012, I tried to imagine her as a young girl, strolling through this elegant landscape with its serene gardens.

Take the road less traveled, Beth

Filed Under: Travel Tagged With: London

Brandy and baby food

April 10, 2013 by Beth Shepherd

At the airport HeathrowOur five hour flight from Yerevan to London passed without a hitch. Baby Bird even fell asleep for a couple hours. I couldn’t believe our luck.

When we landed at Heathrow we knew a long layover awaited us. The airport was hot and sticky, and once we finished our requisite lunch of bangers and mash, we scratched our heads. Four hours left. What are a couple of tired, jet-lagged new parents to do?

“I heard there’s a play area here in the airport. Let’s see if we can find it.”

Find it we did and spent a relaxing hour watching Baby Bird delight in colorful toys the likes of which she’d probably never seen before. Watching her expressions, as she touched and discovered, was pure joy.

When we could see her energy was starting to wane, Big Papa strapped her into the Baby Bjorn and headed for the concourse. Back and forth he paced until she slumped, asleep. Sweat glistened on his neck and arms as he continued to walk, and walk for another 45 minutes to an hour. I’d catch them every lap or two, say hello and then off they went.

She woke up shortly before it was time to head for security and board our flight to Seattle. We were a few feet from the scanners when I saw the sign. No alcohol. I walked up to one of the security agents.

 “I see the sign says no alcohol. That doesn’t apply to duty free, right?”

“Yes, it does.”

I pleaded. “But it’s in a sealed duty free bag from our departure city?”

“Sorry, but as London is not your final destination, your duty free liquids will be confiscated.”

Now I was desperate. “What can we do? It’s a very expensive bottle of Armenian brandy.”

“Your only option would be to check it through.”

She was polite but stone-faced. My brandy and I would not be able to board this flight together. We either had to find a way to check it or drink a few shots before parting ways.

“We have to check it through,” I said emphatically to Big Papa. “I wonder if I could make it downstairs to the British Air desk and back through security in time for our flight.”

I could see the terrified look in his eyes.

“What if you don’t make it back?”

While I knew our main objective was to bring our baby home safe and sound, the thought of having to toss that bottle of brandy in the trash really irked me. I was stewing about this when I turned and saw a small British Air counter just feet before the security line, and then I had a brilliant (or at least I hoped) idea: we could check one of our carry-on bags and stow the brandy inside.

“Let’s shuffle a few things around, and put the brandy in one of our two carry-on bags,” I said eagerly.

Big Papa looked at me like I was nuts.

“Come on, we don’t need everything we’ve brought with us on this flight,” I asserted as I knelt down on the carpet, unzipped our two carry-on bags and started tossing diapers, second sets of clothes, magazines and sundry items this way and that. In a few minutes I’d managed to repack our bags with the “essentials” in one and the non-essentials in another—and the brandy tucked safely in the middle.

I walked up the ticket counter.

“Would it be possible to check this bag? We really don’t need it on our next flight.”

“Yes, absolutely,” she replied with her lovely British accent.

And there went the bag and our brandy. See you in Seattle.

Crazy as it might sound, I felt relieved. I smiled, feeling clever that we’d pulled it off and happy at the thought our future adoption milestones could be accompanied by a proper toast, with Armenian brandy.

And then came the moment, which I’d heard would come, when I had to taste the baby food we had with us in carry-on. “Squeezable” foods like baby food, feel into the LAGS (Liquids, Aerosols and Gels): If you can pump it, pour it, spread, smear, spray, spill or squeeze it, it is considered a LAG. But they were willing to bend the rules, if you taste a small amount right then and there.

So that’s exactly what I did. I opened three jars, put my finger in the jar and stuck it in my mouth. Down the hatch went a sampling of the baby food.  It wasn’t as horrible as I’d imagined (read: I didn’t gag), but I wouldn’t order any of them again if I saw them on the menu.

With the security check behind us, we headed to the gate. Only one ten-hour flight stood between us and home. All I could think about was how good it would feel to be in our own house and snug in our own bed, and how much I’d probably want a shot of that brandy.

Ararat Brandy

Want to toast to more great food and drink? Check out Wanderfood Wednesday!

Filed Under: Adoption, Food, Travel Tagged With: airport, Armenian Brandy, baby food, Heathrow, LAGS, London, security

Two planes, 26 hours and 6,336 miles

April 8, 2013 by Beth Shepherd

Full moon in Yerevan We set our alarm for 3:30 a.m. and awoke, bleary-eyed, to what would be the start of a very long day. A full, luminous moon was the only light in the pitch black sky.  Two floors below us, Tumanyan Street, lay silent: no horns blaring, no cacophony of people passing below on the sidewalk. It felt as though all of Yerevan was asleep, except for us.

Big Papa rolled out of bed with a groan. On soft feet, so as not to wake Baby Bird just yet, he padded over to the bathroom. I heard him turn the squeaky handles to the shower, grunt and then, in a loud whisper say: NO water.

During our two week stint in this apartment, we’d experienced water “issues.” We would wake up, one of us would make coffee and the other would saunter to the bathroom only to find there was no hot water. We’d wait a few minutes and try again and then again, until eventually one of us would call our translator and she would call the building management and they would send a man to reset the hot water heater.

This became a daily routine. Every morning we would wait until a respectable hour to make our phone call, and sometime before noon someone would make an appearance and fix it. Once or twice we felt brave or impatient enough to bathe under a bracingly cold stream of water.

But today, on the morning of our departure, before we would spend the next 26 hours traveling 6,336 miles, half way around the world to our destination—home—with an infant, there was no hot water. In fact, it turned out there was no water at all. No water for a shower, even a cold shower, no water coming out of the tap. Thankfully we still had a bit of bottled water left, albeit only a half-bottle, enough to make Baby Bird’s formula and—if we were lucky—enough for one espresso-sized cup of Armenian coffee for each of us. And we really needed that one cup.

We were scheduled to leave for the airport at 4:30 a.m. There wasn’t time to do anything about the shower. I dampened a washcloth with a sprinkling of bottled water and gave myself a sponge bath.

Big Papa made a bottle for Baby Bird and I got her up. I hated waking her and hoped she would sleep once our plane was airborne. Our first flight, which left at 6:30 a.m. from Yerevan to London, was close to five hours long. Then we would have a five hour layover in Heathrow Airport before boarding our final, 10 hour flight to Seattle. After passing through U.S. Customs, we would need to meet with a U.S. Immigration officer and catch a taxi home. We’d figured we’d be home, at our house, around 5:00 p.m., Easter Sunday.

The package at U.S. ImmigrationWhen our agency’s attorney arrived, he handed us a large manila envelope. THE envelope we’d heard so much about during our four year adoption journey, the envelope from the U.S. Embassy in Yerevan containing all the adoption documents U.S. Immigration would need to process our daughter as a new U.S. citizen. We were told do not open this envelope under any circumstances, do not let it out of our hands, and do not let anyone else open it until it is safely in the hands of a U.S. Immigration officer.

We drove to the airport in the darkness, talking about the trips we’d made to Armenia, the emotional upheaval of our failed adoption, our deep appreciation to all the people who helped us along the way, and our elation that we were finally parents. I felt sad watching the lights of Yerevan fade into the distance. As much as I wanted to get home and begin our life as a family, I knew I would always feel a longing for Armenia, the curve of the hills on the road to Gyumri, the rose-colored tuff of the buildings. I would miss the people we came to know, and crave the amazing Armenian food we’d be hard-pressed to find in Seattle. Even though I was certain we would come back one day with our daughter, that day could be years away.

At the airport we checked our luggage and made sure we indeed had seats on our flight, including a “lap seat” for our daughter. Obtaining berth for her on our flights had been no easy matter.  Before we left for our court trip, Big Papa and I had reserved two seats, one for each of us, on two different flights, one flight with British Midlands from Yerevan to London and one flight with British Air from London to Seattle. Our travel agent told us we couldn’t reserve a lap seat for Baby Bird until she was legally our daughter, but to simply give her a call when we had her passport and she would be added on to our ticket.

That’s what we did, and though she tried, she was unable to reach British Air. “Go to the British Midlands office in Yerevan and see what they can do.” And so we did, and what they told us was that they could reserve her lap ticket for the first leg of our trip, but not for the second leg with British Air. Apparently British Midlands and British Air ticketing systems were unable to “communicate” with each other because they did not share codes. The ticket agent told us we could try to get her a seat when we arrived in London…but, “if we couldn’t, we’d miss our connecting flight.”

The thought of being stuck in London for more than the five hour layover was unimaginable. Baby Bird only had a visa to enter the U.S. so we couldn’t go through customs and leave the terminal in any other country except the United States of America. Visions of “The Terminal” with Tom Hanks flashed through my mind. In this film, an eastern immigrant finds himself stranded in JFK airport, and must take up temporary residence there.

We didn’t know what to do, but the travel agent said that British Midlands and British Air were merging their ticketing systems, tentatively on Friday March 6, 48 hours before we needed to board our plane. The only thing we could do was cross our fingers and wait.At the Yerevan airport

Friday arrived, and merely hours before our “interview” at the U.S. Embassy in Yerevan (where we would receive a visa for Baby Bird) we made another trip to British Midlands. I’m sure the agent could see the worry in our faces. She smiled and said the two airlines had indeed worked out the kinks in their systems, and started sharing codes, which meant we were able to get her a seat on my lap for the first flight and a “cot” on the second flight.

And now here we were the three of us, about to board the first flight of our long journey home. We hugged our attorney, and walked through security, stopping in the duty free shop to buy a much coveted bottle of 20-year Armenian brandy.

“You won’t be able to take this on your flight out of London. It’s a customs’ regulation,” the clerk at the cash register told us.

“That doesn’t make sense,” I replied, feeling annoyed. “We’ve taken brandy home on all our previous flights through Paris.”

“It’s your decision, but you’ll be taking your chances with an expensive bottle of brandy.”

We decided to take our chances. He zipped up our bottle in a duty free puffy plastic bag and we headed for our gate.

Sitting in the hard plastic seats, waiting for our boarding call, I could see Mt. Ararat standing tall in the distance, lit by the rising sun. My stomach was in knots. Two flights, 16 hours flying time, five hour layover, 12 hour time difference, one 11-month old baby. Big Papa later told me how scared he felt, thinking about what we were taking on, the flight alone, never mind parenthood itself.

As our plane pulled away from the gate and we taxied onto the runway, I glanced at Big Papa and Baby Bird, my family, as my eyes brimmed with tears. I squeezed his hand tightly. We were homeward bound!

Looking out the airplane window

Filed Under: Adoption, Travel Tagged With: airport, brandy, customs, Heathrow, London, plane, The Terminal, Tom Hanks, Tumanyan, U.S. Embassy in Yerevan, U.S. Immigration, Yerevan

48 hours in London

March 14, 2013 by Beth Shepherd

Beth as Kate MiddletonHow much can you see if you have 48 hours in London? A lot as it turns out.

Last March, en route to Armenia, Big Papa and I spent two days and two nights in London. Armed with our copy of City Walks London (we’ve used, and loved, City Walks Paris on several trips), we set out to explore the city.

What we saw: Big Ben, Parliament, Buckingham Palace, Kensington Palace, Westminster Bridge, the river Thames, Scotland Yard, London bobbies, double-decker buses,  St. Paul’s Cathedral and the London Eye.

What we did: strolled around Kensington Gardens, toured the Tate Modern museum and looked at cool art before enjoying a yummy lunch at the museum cafe, rode the tube in the London Underground (and made sure to mind the gap!), meandered through Hyde Park and saw amazing feats of skill on roller blades, walked across Millennium Bridge, bought a wool scarf for Big Papa and fingerless gloves for me on Portobello Road, wandered arond Notting Hill and watched dapper school boys in crisp shorts and blazers get picked up from school by mums in spendy sports cars.

What we ate: plenty of delicious bangers and mash, sublime Indian food (at Zaika), and washed it all down with pints of bloody good beer.

London's callingLondon’s calling

London Bobby and horseLondon bobby and his horse

Bangers and mashBangers and mash

Beth and Big Papa with St. Paul's in the backgroundBeth and Big Papa with St. Paul’s in the background

Millennium Bridge LondonMillennium Bridge London

British flagBritish flag

Girl in Hyde ParkGirl in Hyde Park

 

Check out Delicious Baby Photo Friday for more bloody good photos!

Filed Under: Adoption, Travel Tagged With: bangers and mash, beer, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, Changing of the guards, England, Hyde Park, Indian food, Kensington Gardens, London, London Underground, Millennium Bridge, mind the gap, Notting HIll, Parliament, Portobello Road, St. Paul's Cathedral, Tate Museum, Thames, tube, Westminster Bridge

Plane ride to parenthood

March 12, 2013 by Beth Shepherd

Leavin on a jetplane

One year ago, on March 12, we received a call from our adoption agency with the date we were to appear in court to finalize the adoption of our daughter. Less than 24 hours later (yes, less than 24 HOURS LATER!), Big Papa and I boarded a plane headed to London, where we would stay for two days and two nights before boarding a second plane to Armenia. Only a handful of people knew where we were going and why: Big Papa’s boss, our cat sitter, our pediatrician-to-be, my mother and sister, Big Papa’s cousins (who offered to help us out when we first got back home), and one close friend.

We had waited to take this plane ride for nearly four years and the idea that it was finally happening felt surreal. Only a year before, our pending adoption of another baby girl had fallen through, merely ten days before our scheduled flight. I found it hard to settle myself and put away the fear that something bad would happen this time too.

My mind revisited all the scenarios we’d faced along the way: two referrals, five trips to Armenia, multiple updates to our files and dossier, several trips to our local USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services) office for several sets of fingerprints, numerous visits to our bank to have paperwork notarized, and a number of road trips to Olympia (our state’s capitol) to have our documents apostilled.

I recalled the RFE (Request for Evidence) that had us gripping edge of our seats in the cliffhanger that was our prior adoption attempt, the interminable angst as we waited for nearly three months to get resolution when that adoption was interrupted, the uncertainty of how to “undo” our Article 5 (final Hague approval from the U.S. Department of State), a situation–as we were told by our immigration agent–that no prospective adoptive parents had faced before, and then the crazed race to update our paperwork yet one more time so we could be eligible for a new referral.

Reverently, I remembered the soul-wrenching isolation I felt, and the deep dark depression, when I couldn’t share what was happening–what had happened–even with some of my closest friends, for fear that we might jeopardize the future of our adoption. I couldn’t talk about it. I couldn’t blog about it. The only thing I could do was stew about it.

I thought about all the excitement, disappointment, hope and heartache that led to this moment. And yet here we were, passports and suitcases in hand, getting on a plane, literally on our way to parenthood!

That’s when it hit me. We were really on our way: TO PARENTHOOD!

Leavin on a jetplane and scared

Filed Under: Adoption, Travel Tagged With: apostille, British Air, dossier, Hague, London, notarize, Paperwork, parenthood, plane, RFE, USCIS

Great expectations

December 5, 2012 by Beth Shepherd

Wearing a Kate Middleton mask in London

When I heard the news, Kate and William are expecting, I couldn’t help but remember the last time I was in England. Nine months ago, I passed through London on the mother of all trips, the trip where Big Papa and I would bring home Baby Bird. London was, if you will, our last hurrah before parenthood.

Big Papa and I enjoyed two days of Big Ben and Buckingham Palace, all the while feeling a heady mix of emotions: excitement that, after years of waiting, we were finally going to be parents; fear that something might go wrong at the last minute–a situation we were all-too-familiar with; and, a certain suspension of belief around the myriad ways our lives were soon to change.

We had been a couple for seven years. Seven years of hours spent working in our garden, of wine tasting trips to Walla Walla and Willamette Valley, of weekends away at remote B&Bs, and of dinners with friends that started at 7:00 and lingered for hours.

Friends who were parents themselves would tell me: Eat out at romantic restaurants as much as you can. See movies_in_a movie theater. Finish any lingering home improvement projects. Travel! I would smile and nod my head as I imagined our child giggling and jumping in the leaves we’d rake each fall, ordering Mac ‘n cheese off the kid’s menu at our favorite dinner spots, or toting a little suitcase packed with stuffed animals as we boarded a flight.

And I continued to conjure up these images until I sat, that last night, at Zaika, a high zoot Indian restaurant in the Kensington district, that a friend had recommended to us. I sat at that table, with its white linen tablecloth, gleaming silverware and crystal goblets, amidst elegantly dressed diners, listening to the din of their chatter. I sat there and stared at my Tandoori chicken. I stared at Big Papa and he stared back at me.

I know we both felt ready to run like scared rabbits. In 12 hours, we would pack our bags and board a flight that would take us to a place we’d never been, a place we could have never imagined in our wildest expectations.

“Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.”

~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Filed Under: Adoption, Travel Tagged With: England, Kate Middleton, London, pregnant, Zaika

Bangers and mash with Walla Walla gravy recipe

May 23, 2012 by Beth Shepherd

Bangers and mashWhen I first met Big Papa, I was having a crown put on one of my teeth. As I bemoaned my inability to eat much of anything toothier than mush, he assured me, “Chewing is overrated.” That’s when I found out mashed potatoes rate as one of Big Papa’s favorite dishes. Sausages easily make it into his top five. So this March, when our travels to Armenia included a couple days in London on the way over, I knew that if we ate nothing else, we’d eat bangers and mash.

Bangers and mash are quintessential British pub food, eaten in homes for centuries but first served up in English pubs around WWI as a cheap and filling lunchtime meal for the working class. “Bangers,” sausages, and “mash,” potatoes are served up with a healthy slathering of rich onion gravy.

Bangers take their name from the sound sausages can emit when fried. Modern sausages apparently don’t make the loud “bang” sausages pre-WWII did when they were overheated because today’s meats are generally made with less water.

We tried bangers and mash at several London locales and they did not disappoint. How could they really? Bangers and mash, with a good pint of ale alongside, are comfort food at its finest.

Here’s my northwest take on onion gravy, made using succulent Walla Walla sweet onions. Paired with some locally grown potatoes and homemade sausage (one of the latest “it” foodie items easily found in Seattle), and our recent spate of gray days and drizzle, blimey if it doesn’t feel like jolly old England.

 

Caramelized Walla Walla Onion Gravy
Ingredients

  • 3 cups thinly sliced Walla Walla onions (or other Vidalia-type sweet onion)
  • 2 tablespoons butter
  • 1 tablespoon light brown sugar
  • 1 teaspoon garlic
  • 1 teaspoon thyme leaves (fresh if possible)
  • 2 tablespoons cognac (optional)
  • 1 cup beef or chicken stock
  • salt and pepper

 

How to:

  1. In a small saucepan set over medium heat, add the butter.
  2. Once melted, add the onions and sugar to the pan and saute, stirring occasionally until wilted and well caramelized, about 18 to 20 minutes.
  3. Add the garlic and thyme to the pan and saute until fragrant, about 30 seconds.
  4. Add the flour to the pan and stir to make a roux, about 2 to 3 minutes.
  5. De-glaze the pan with the cognac and once nearly evaporated, 1 minute, add the chicken stock.
  6. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to a simmer.
  7. Simmer the gravy for 15 minutes and season with the salt and pepper.

Want more bang in your week? Check out Wanderfood Wednesday!

Filed Under: Recipes Tagged With: bangers and mash, British, England, London, pint, potatoes, sausages, sweet honion, Walla Walla onions

Some might fend off a mid-life crisis by leaving the comforts of their corporate salary to jet off to a deserted island. Others might buy a Jaguar. I’ve chosen to dive head-long into my 50s and beyond by becoming a first-time parent. At any given moment you might find me holding a camera, a spade, a spatula or a suitcase. Or my little girl's hand. Adopted from Armenia, she puts the Pampers and Paklava into my life.

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