Favorite things: Valentine’s Day cards

February 13, 2016 by Beth Shepherd

Giving and receiving Valentine’s Day cards is definitely one of my favorite things from childhood. I remember the anticipation I felt as I wrote the names of my classmates on cheery red cards, licked the envelopes and delivered them to my classmates. And I also remember the excitement of tearing open the cards I received.

This was my daughter’s first year at school where kids exchanged Valentine’s Day cards. She picked out one of her treasured Armenian dresses to wear to school for the festivities. When I picked her up a few hours later, she proudly displayed her personally-decorated supersized Valentine’s envelope, that her teacher secretly stuffed with surprises from her fellow schoolmates. It was a BIG deal–as evidenced by the smile on her face!

Later, back at the ranch, envelope opening commenced after she changed into her princess costume, because why wouldn’t you want to dress up to open your Valentine’s Day cards? This was a special occasion!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It’s all about the journey,

Beth

Six ways to mend a broken heart on Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2016 by Beth Shepherd

Three years ago, on Valentine’s Day my sister, Caren, passed away. She was only 50-years-old. My sole sibling and, like me, an adoptive mom.

As Valentine’s draws near, I want to enjoy the day for what it represents–a day to show those we love just how much we love them. But for me, Valentine’s Day is also a day when I nurse a broken heart. If you’ve experienced the loss of someone you loved, here are a six things you might try:

Keep yourself busy. Get out of the house, if you can, and do activities you love. Try to be in the company of friends and family. Go somewhere beautiful.

Mentally prepare yourself. In the U.S. it is impossible to go anywhere during the month of February without seeing Valentine’s Day reminders. But, for all the build-up, it is just one day.

Let yourself feel. Grief can take over when you least expect. Things aren’t always okay–and that’s okay. Remember the person you loved and give yourself permission to feel emotions that arise.

Avoid the obvious. Listening to “your song,” watching romantic movies, going to places that were your “your places”–probably not the best idea. Likewise, think twice before dining solo at a restaurant on Valentine’s Day. Get take-out instead or cook something simple–but maybe not the foods that were “your favorites” together.

Celebrate your relationships–all of them. Friends, kids, grandparents, co-workers–remind yourself love is a “many-splendored thing”–and Valentine’s Day isn’t the only day to say “I love you.”

Love yourself! Sometimes the person who needs the most loving kindness is you. Don’t be stingy. Take stock of everything that still brings you joy. Cut yourself some slack. Treat yourself to something special. Count your blessings.

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.

Ernest Hemingway

~In memory of my sister Caren~

It’s all about the journey,

Beth

Love and loss on Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2015 by Beth Shepherd

In memory of my sister Caren: April 15, 1962-February 14, 2013

My sister died on Valentine’s Day. Not that there is a good day to die, but when loss falls near a holiday or any other noteworthy day in your life, it’s hard to separate public celebrations from private grieving.

Here are a few ideas to refashion a holiday, and include the remembrance of someone you loved and lost:

Write a letter
Light a candle
Tell someone about them
Donate money in their name
Volunteer at a charity they would have liked
Do something you loved to do together on that day
Tell a funny story about them
Create an online tribute or chat about them online
Say a prayer
Do a few acts of kindness
Set aside time private time to grieve
Listen to music they liked
Plant something–when Big Papa’s cat Cleo died, we buried her in the garden and planted Bleeding Heart around her
Cook or bake something they enjoyed or you enjoyed together–I make Moosewood Mushroom Barley Soup every year on the anniversary of my friend Dee’s death

As for me, it is a surreal feeling to go from having one sibling, to none. Even though Caren had cancer twice as a child, and a lifetime of health challenges, she always managed to pull through. Part of me was convinced she always would. But this time, she didn’t.

On this Valentine’s Day, to commemorate my sister, I’d like to share my favorite version of her favorite song.

Take the road less traveled, Beth

Love is in the air

February 11, 2015 by Beth Shepherd

Love is in the air everywhere I look around
Love is in the air every sight and every sound

~Tom Jones, Love is in the Air

‘Tis the season when it’s not just Hallmark searching for love. My bird friends have also begun their early spring mating rituals. House wrens are tweeting their courtship serenades, ducks are building their nests, finches are pondering a selection of birdhouses, and male hummingbirds are showing off their flights of fancy as they climb up to 130 feet into the air, dive to the ground and then swoop back into the stratosphere. Here are a few photographs I’ve taken when I’ve been lucky enough to capture bird pairs. Love is in the air.

Take the road less traveled, Beth

At the heart of love

February 14, 2014 by Beth Shepherd

When I was a little girl, giving and receiving Valentine’s Day cards was what February 14th was all about. What great fun we had opening our pile of brightly cartooned cards, eating candy hearts with sweet sayings. I can still remember the childish nervousness I felt as I slipped my own tiny cards into my friends’ cubbies at school.

As I got older, Valentine’s Day was a mixed bag, full of excitement and anticipation on the Valentine’s Days when I had a sweetheart and, quite frankly, somewhat depressing in the years I didn’t. In those years it appeared that everyone was coupled (except me) and I felt a heightened awareness of my single status.

Then, last year, my sister died on Valentine’s Day. Since that day, I haven’t been able to think about Valentine’s Day without thinking about her, along with a few of my close friends who, like my sister, got sick or had an accident and left this world much too soon.

There is so much emphasis placed on the romance of this one day, Valentine’s Day–red hearts, chocolate, flowers, candlelit dinners, looking deeply into your lover’s eyes, kisses and caresses. And what’s not to love about all of that? Whereas sitting beside your beloved as they lie in a hospital bed, bald from chemo, throwing up, in pain, scared, sad, angry, even dying? Not what usually comes to mind.

On this Valentine’s Day, I am reminded how easy it is to love someone at their very best, their finest dressed, when they are their most romantic, sexy self. Yet in those moments when someone we love is at their worst, their sickest, their most depressed, revealing parts of themselves that rarely see the light of day–the moments when loving is the hardest–those are the moments where the heart of love can be found.

In memory of my sister, Caren: April 15, 1962-February 14, 2013

Take the road less traveled, Beth

Gestures from the heart: In memory of my sister

February 14, 2013 by Beth Shepherd

In memory of my sister, Caren

April 15, 1962–February 14, 2013

On Valentine’s Day, with so much attention focused on the the glitter of romantic love–chocolate, wine, roses, romantic dinners and extravagant gestures–we easily forget how much love lies in the grit of everyday life: friends and family who stand by us through challenging times, loved ones who care for us when we are ill or hurting. These gestures–from the heart–are love in the truest sense of the word.