Regulations

Our adoption agency sent an email letting families know that the new laws regarding Armenian adoption have been published and there are several changes to update families on. They will be sending each family a personalized letter with their current status, place in ‘wait’ and details about how the new laws will impact them. All we’ve been told at this point is that the new laws and time frames should significantly reduce the waiting for families once officially matched to a referral. The letter describing all of this is slated to be sent out next week.

We wait with bated breath. Can I just say for the umpteenth time how much I struggle with waiting? Whether it’s waiting to get our U.S. Immigration approval for the required annual update to our home study, waiting for a referral or waiting to become parents, it just seems like adoptive parents-to-be do a heckuva lot of waiting.

I’m not trying to look a gift horse in the mouth. Reduced time frames would be absolutely fantastic. I can only imagine how tough it will be to wait once we have a solid referral. At this juncture, time from referral to court dates and then homecoming has been taking anywhere from four to eight months.

Sitting here, know our child is sitting there will be excruciating. Missing months of developmental milestones makes me sad, so if changes to the laws translate to less time waiting, more power to ‘em.

Even though our trip to Armenia this past September was painful, I am thankful Big Papa and I had the opportunity to visit one of the orphanages and see the excellent care the kids receive. I can now picture what it looks like in my head: the rooms, the caregivers, and where the kids sleep. Knowing they are in competent, caring hands eases my anxiety to a degree.

Still, waiting to adopt can feel endless. I guess a lot of things in life that. Whether it’s waiting to find out your mammogram results, waiting to find out if you got into your number one choice for college, or waiting to meet the person you want to share your life with, waiting is a big part of the program. Minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like days. Months feel like eternity.

You’d think because of all this practice, I’d learn some patience. I try so hard to cultivate my ability to stay present. I don’t want to miss joyful moments that are in my life each day because I’m so focused on this one thing that I can’t see the forest for the trees.

There are days when I find patience easily and other days, not so much. Something shifts my focus enough and I become hyper-aware that we’re not there yet. It could be news that a good friend just had a baby or I might see an adoptive mom at the market. Finding ourselves faced with yet another task to complete for the adoption (such as the recent update to our home study) or news (like this week) that changes are afoot with regulations in the country we’re adopting from, sets me off too. Or it could be a casual conversation with a caring friend who asks: “What’s happening on the adoption front?”

It’s a funny thing, this adoption journey. We wake up and our day looks just so…until one day it doesn’t.

Nothing happens, and nothing happens, and then everything happens.
~Fay Weldon

Kazakhastan, Kyrgystan, Taiwan, Marshall Islands, Ethiopia, Georgia, Armenia – what did I know about any of these countries before I entered the world of international adoption? When you’re nearing fifty, newly married for the first time and interested in adding a child to the mix, the learning curve for adoption is steep. Domestic versus international? Africa, Asia, or South America? Boy or girl? Infant or toddler? There are so many questions to ask, information to research and decisions to be made.

Exploring this new territory helped increase my understanding of the adoption process, bureaucratic formalities (ours and theirs), along with the adoption rules and regulations and cultures of many countries I’d heretofore had very little exposure to. Not to mention geography.

Armenia is under the little blue star

Hours were spent combing the internet, browsing sites on U.S. adoption regulations, Wikipedia and Wikitravel, adoption agency ratings and more adoption agency sites than I can possibly count.

It didn’t take long before ruling out China – I’d be too old (50) by the time we’d been married long enough (two years); India – our combined ages needed to be less than 90; Nepal – just starting to accept applications again and four years minimum marriage requirement (though single women are accepted); Ethiopia – five years of marriage and a maximum age of 50, and Guatemala – currently closed until compliance with Hague Convention standards is achieved. I could easily list similar requirements and restrictions for a host of countries. Additionally, prospective adoptive parents might be ruled out for being overweight (China), gender (most foreign countries do not allow single men to adopt) or income.

While I understand that ‘50’ in most countries looks quite different than 50 in the United States and marriage requirements are based on assumptions of family stability, it still feels restrictive. Hundreds of thousands of orphaned children around the world need loving homes. Though the regulations are created with the best of intentions, to prevent child trafficking and create financially and emotionally stable family units, the reality is that many families who are willing and able to care for a child are kept from doing so because they don’t meet international requirements for adoption age, marriage, gender and income.

My husband and I thought long and hard about our beliefs, our abilities, our finances, and our dreams for what our family might become. Our decision to adopt from Armenia was a good fit for us in many respects. No upper age limit or minimum length of marriage requirement. Ratings for Hopscotch Adoptions, the adoption agency we chose, were unequivocally thumbs-up. We found the topography mesmerizing and the culture and traditions a fascinating blend of old-world mysticism and new world sophistication. And Armenian kids are just so dang cute. Plus, it didn’t hurt that our weekend dinner menu frequently featured all-foods Armenian. Lamb, hummus, yogurt, and Shish Kebab made regular appearances at our table.

So we raise a glass and offer a toast to our adoption adventure. To Armenia, a match made in geographic and gastronomic heaven. To life! Genatzt!

Can’t see the forest for the trees

From Here to There