As a mama-in-waiting, I’ve started attending a few local moms groups. I thought they would be good opportunities for me to meet other moms who share my interests and also a chance for me to develop a network of support that I’m sure will come in handy once I become a mom “for real.”

For the past six months, I’ve faithfully attended the monthly ‘Moms Night Out’ hosted by my neighborhood moms group. We get together to drink, nibble and gab. It’s great fun and there are some really cool mamas who live within a few-mile radius of our home.

I’m also a member of ‘Mamas with Cameras,’ another monthly gathering that offers moms a chance to learn more about photography and practice their skills. Each month there is a ‘learning portion’ of the meeting with a speaker and then a ‘sharing portion’ of the meeting where we sit in a circle and pass around our “homework” for the month. Our monthly assignment might ask us to capture one aspect of our child’s personality, take a few flash photos, or try out the different settings on our camera. I love this part of the meeting: there are so many talented and creative mamas!

Usually the mamas will tell a bit about why they took a particular picture or share something about their child. At this month’s meeting, as we were passing around photos, one of the mamas proudly said: I was so thrilled to get this picture. I managed to capture the first time my daughter smiled.

Her comment highlighted something I’ve thought about for a long time. As an adoptive mom, of a child who will not be a brand-new infant, I will miss so many firsts. Missing first moments is not universal amongst adoptive families. I do have several friends who have adopted domestically and were even present at the birth of their child.  But for those who adopt internationally, it is a virtual given that the child you bring home will be older than six months. Between the red tape, waiting lists and bureaucracy kids available for adoption internationally typically spend the first months – and sometimes years – of their lives in an orphanage.

In our dossier, Big Papa and I requested a child who is 18-months or younger in age. Considering that we will be raising our kiddo for at least the next eighteen years, a year or a year-and-a-half is just a drop in the bucket of a lifetime.  Still those months are very significant, at least when it comes to firsts. The first time a child smiles or laughs. The first time they hold their head up on their own or roll over. The first time they stand or take their first steps. The first time they notice their hands, say their first word, or celebrate a first birthday.

Many of the adoptive mamas (and papas) I know will miss those first moments. It is one of the things that is particularly challenging about being an adoptive family. First moments are a time when families bond and create shared memories: a history of stories that connect you as a family. “Your sister was walking before she was talking too.” “Did you know your first word wasn’t mommy or daddy; it was kitty?”

Plus, many of these moments are just so much fun to watch. Parents feel proud seeing their child do something or experience something for the first time. We don’t remember many of our own early childhood firsts and so seeing our child’s gives us a window into these brief but miraculously life-changing milestones where a child who was crawling yesterday, is walking today.

I think it’s going to be pretty darn cool to watch my child go through life. And being able to see the world through the eyes of a child is one of the reasons I wanted to be a mom: from their innocence and absolute joy in the wonder of it all to the endless questions, and from the throw-yourself-on the floor tantrums to the side-splitting hilarity.

There will be many years filled with first moments that Big Papa and I will share with our little one, and I am very grateful for that. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say it’s hard not to feel sad when I think about missing out on her first year of firsts.