Now that I have your attention…

First, full disclosure: my mother reads my blog. I’m hoping she made it past the headline, and hasn’t fainted.

Now for the lurid details: Sorry, this isn’t a blog post about my private life. It’s about the sex life of squash, and how to tell the difference between male and female squash blossoms.

Big Papa and I love squash blossoms. Their light, slightly squashy flavor exemplifies summer. Squash blossoms are delicious stuffed, battered and fried, or simply tossed on salads.

I used to think it was very generous of squash farmers to sell their flowers. Wasn’t each blossom a future squash? If left to its own devices, wouldn’t each lovely baby squash blossom become a full grown adult squash? It seemed like such a shame to sacrifice them for our dining pleasure. Then I learned the truth.

As it turns out, not all squash blossoms become squash and if you have a plot of squash plants running amok, brimming with flowers, guess what? You can eat most of them. Why? Well, some are boys and some are girls. That’s right, squash blossoms come in two genders: male and female.

Only female squash blossoms mature into squash. The male is just there to help the female blossoms get a bun, er squash, in the oven And here’s the beautiful thing: male squash blossoms far outnumber female flowers, which means you can pick (and eat!) male squash blossoms with impunity. Say goodbye to any fear you may have of devouring your future squash crop.

So, how to tell who’s a she and who’s a he? The females typically grow close to the center of the squash plant on low squat stalks that, when fertilized, quickly swell into squash. Male squash blossoms tend to be showy (like males of many other species in nature), numerous and grow on long stems. Plus, you won’t find a tiny squash baby developing behind the male flower head.

Here’s a picture. Can you tell which blossom is the male and which is the female? If not, I’ll tell you. The chick is on the right and the dude is on the left.

It’s that simple. If you’ve got a few baby squashes growing on your vines, it means the guys and gals have already…well, you know. So go ahead and pick the boys, stuff them and fry ‘em up. My apologies guys; it’s nothing personal. That’s just the way it works with squash. Be cautious when you pick them, however. Bees, insects and other little critters think the blossoms are a nifty place to curl up and take a nap, so you could be in for a surprise.

I feel better now that we’ve had this little chat, don’t you? Go forth and multiply…your squash.

Want your pick of more deliciousness? Check out Wanderfood Wednesday!