On April 13 2009, I published my first Pampers and Pakhlava post. When I started this blog I was filled with hope and excitement. Having spent the previous year preparing paperwork and compiling our dossier, we were waiting for a referral. The journey of a lifetime stretched out in front of me — the journey to motherhood. Here I am: two years, 166 posts and three trips to Armenia later, still blogging, but no baby.
What souvenirs have I collected from my travels, aside from a hefty stack of official paperwork and quite a few more gray hairs? Well for one, I’ve discovered that Big Papa and I are a resilient duo. Missed flights, crazy locals and Montezuma’s revenge don’t hold a candle to lost referrals, two trips half-way around the world just to register a child we hoped to adopt and then a canceled court date. If ever there were a reason not to sweat the small stuff, it’s two years sweating the big stuff.
Testing a marriage, in the way our marriage has been tested by this experience is not a path I would have willingly chosen. But having walked down it, I find myself feeling closer and more in love with Big Papa than ever. And I am proud as proud can be about our commitment to each other and to seeing through our dream of parenthood.
Over the past two years, I’ve also had the opportunity to explore continents of emotion heretofore uncharted in my life. My heart has scaled Everest-sized peaks of happiness and fallen into Grand Canyon depths of sadness. It is true that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and I can now say that each and every step taken has unearthed opportunity to learn: about myself, relationships with family and friends, and the very essence of my deepest desires and my darkest fears.
It is with absolute gratitude that I say: despite the hardships and loss we’ve experienced, some of the most beautiful mementos from our travels–which I cherish and reflect upon during difficult days–are the heartfelt comments and encouragement I’ve received from writing this blog. Stories from those who have walked in our moccasins, bear hugs across the miles and an outpouring of kindness from readers, many of you whom I’ve never met. No matter the obstacles in our journey, the frustration and heartbreak, I don’t regret heading down this road if only for the fellow travelers I’ve met along the way.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
~Mark Twain