He had a cute little body, an upturned nose, half-sleepy eyes and light brown skin. I knew he was ours from the moment I laid eyes on him. We picked him up, put on his diaper, dressed him in a cute Onesie, plopped him into a snug carrier and strapped him closely to my chest. He was everything I imagined our baby might be. Except that he was plastic.
Big Papa and I drove to Portland this past weekend, to attend a Northwest Adoptive Families (NAFA) class on baby and toddler care. As instructed, we arrived promptly at 8:00 a.m. to “pick out our baby” before class began. Oh, if only adoption was that simple.
Our first challenge was to select a baby who would tag along with us for the remainder of the class, lunch and bathroom breaks included. All the guys and gals bellied up to the bevy of babies, diapers, outfits and baby carriers. This was where the rubber meets the road. Gender bias was clearly influencing our choices and I’m not referring to what kind of ‘bits’ our baby was sporting. My selections for baby carriers were decidedly hip earth mama, sarong stylin’, Ikat print how-does-my-baby carrier-look-with-my-outfit accessories. Big Papa was tried and true REI meets Techno Geek, preferring the messenger-bag style baby carriers with buckles and rain-proof Gore-Tex.
The day proved to be a fascinating experience that we shared with roughly a dozen couples. Most were first-time adoptive parents, like us. A few had several birth children and one couple had adopted a baby girl just a week prior to the class. Little ‘Zoeylee’ sat just a few feet in front of us with her proud mom and dad, a hopeful reminder of what we all dreamed we might become one day…parents.
Eight hours later, Big Papa and I knew a lot more about infant development, feeding, bathing and the culture of adoption. During our day-long class, we bonded well with our plastic baby, who we adoringly nicknamed, Bubba. Of course, Bubba didn’t squirm, scream or poop.
We really enjoyed the break-out session on baby massage and were amused by the live baby bath demo (let’s just say that one 5-week old baby boy was decidedly not pleased with his fifteen minutes of fame), but the moments that really took our breath away had little to do with how-to and need-to-know.
Lani, a Korean adoptee, shared a moving story. Her story. She told us of being welcomed into a family of four as a two-and-a-half year old, and recalled what it was like being the only person of color in rural small town Oregon nearly forty years ago. Lani gave a loving portrayal of her adoptive parents and siblings, along with the traditions they created as a family.
One other moment is seared forever in my memory. John, a single adoptive dad, who was helping with the class, talked about his journey to find and parent his daughter. He described the challenges he faced as he made this brave and somewhat unique decision that would shape the rest of his life. As his eyes welled up with tears and his voice choked, he told us, “Adopting her was the best decision I ever made.”